A second dragon type?

I'm here with thoughts I've had previously, considering another possible dragon kintype.. The dragon in question being a Valstrax, an elder dragon from the Monster Hunter franchise.

These thoughts I had before have not changed, albeit I have more clarity of mind to see them separately from one another. I originally had an awakening to this back in April of this year. It came as suddenly as I rather quickly tried to reject it. I do tend to overwhelm myself with self doubt and rejection before acceptance of anything, going rapidly from a high to a low before my feelings plateau. I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience things that way either.

Coming to terms with a possible third kintype is one I've struggled with before as well. Debating back and forth whether something is just a past life, or one that I do identify as currently. The answer is I do and I don't. It certainly isn't something that has gone away, but does have its variance of strength over periods of time. I do not feel any less right saying "I am a Valstrax" as I did before. Yet, I feel more astral dragon and cybertronian than I do as Valstrax. Does that make it less of a kintype or not one at all? It doesn't make a difference in how I feel either way what I call the experience. It is what it is, no matter what I eventually determine of it.

I had the same struggle with one of my other not-quite-kintypes. Though I eventually settled on it not being a kintype, and just a future life I believe myself to be heading towards. I do identify as a character from Star Wars in that manner, though I don't identify as human, which is what makes the difference so much more clear to me. This one is not a kintype/fictotype because I don't currently identify as the species, despite the flow of memories and feelings I get from this.

Perhaps Valstrax is not so different in this. It could just be another past life that flickers its way to the forefront of my mind. I do experience shifts form this species on and off, both mental and phantom. Honestly, nothing has really changed since my first realization. I've never found it easy to see myself as so many different forms however. Maybe thats part of my disassociation with myself, seeing myself in parts rather than whole. I don't like to see myself split up so much, even if it is all the same. I still think it would be so much easier to only have 1 kintype.

I know that I am a Valstrax rather than not being one. Putting it that way makes it easier to come to terms with. Maybe it is psychological rather than spiritual? I can't deny that it almost seems like a creature that would arise from putting both my kintypes together. Mix a dragon with a jet and this is what you would get: Valstrax.

I'll continue to think on it for now, and share any updates on this thread. Valstrax is another dragon form I see myself as, though this may not mean it is a kintype.

-Azaphaer

Don't worry about it, no one is rushing you to tell us whatever kintypes you have.

I often doubt myself too, which is perhaps why I settled with polymorph. Don't stress, take it slow

What makes you think Valstrax is a separate, distinct dragon form from your other dragon form? Could the other dragon just be Valstrax and you're only making that connection now?

Or could it be as you said that Valstrax is a mix of your dragon/Cybertronian? For me wolf/werewolf are interchangeable, so maybe it's the same for you?

Either way, give it time.

(2021-07-17 3:10)Elinox Wrote:  What makes you think Valstrax is a separate, distinct dragon form from your other dragon form? Could the other dragon just be Valstrax and you're only making that connection now?

Or could it be as you said that Valstrax is a mix of your dragon/Cybertronian? For me wolf/werewolf are interchangeable, so maybe it's the same for you?

Either way, give it time.

At first, I did consider Valstrax being my "true" dragon identity. However, this thought was fleeting as my usual astral dragon self still reigns my most dominant kintype, and what I believe to be my "soul species".

I'm more inclined to think this is just a mixed association between my 2 kintypes rather than a third kintype all together. It tends to come up just as quickly as it goes away. Even now as I'm writing this I don't feel like Valstrax at all. If anything it seems to be a strong cameo that comes up.

Always fun to sort through these feelings, isn't it?

-Azaphaer

[Edit]

The more I've written about this, the more I've been able to think back on my thoughts from post to post. I'm starting to think that Valstrax is just a split off of me. An alter. Not quite me, but a version of me. Just thinking this now based on how polar my thoughts and feelings keep going between. Since.. when I feel like I'm Valstrax I really feel like it.. but then when I come back to.. I don't feel like Valstrax at all. Me and also not me. Another me.