A man walks into a bar ...

... you'd have thought he'd have seen it.

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There were two brothers: Trouble, and Shut-Up. One day, they went shopping in a department store and the boys separated. Shut-Up, being the youngest, got worried and went to a security guard for help.

"Help! I've lost my brother and I don't know where he is!" Shut-Up panicked.
"Calm down, son. What's your name?" said the security guard.
"Shut-Up."
The guard got angry. "Are you looking for trouble ... ?!"


*snickers*

Momo gets the award for the worst jokes in history.

Love ya hunny...

Mushroom walks into a bar, asks for a drink. Bartenders says, "Sorry we don't serve mushrooms here." Mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a fungi."

A length of rope walks into a bar, asks for a drink, bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." After a glance to the mushroom, the rope tries again and asks for a drink. Bartender says, "Look, WE DON'T SERVE ROPES." So, the rope wanders outside and gets a hobo to tied him in the middle and unravel his ends. He goes back into the bar, pulls up a stool and asks for a drink again. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you the rope I just told to get lost?" The rope looks back at the bartender and says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

LOL. Don't you love jokes that are so stupid that they make you laugh.

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Drinks for everyone, and barkeep, pour one for yourself too." Everyone thanks him and, a few minutes later, he buys another round for everyone including the bartender. When he orders a third round and the barkeep says, "Sure, but please pay for the first two rounds before I pour the third." The generous guy says, "Money? I don't have any money." So the bartender kicks the crap out of him and then throws him into the street. A few minutes later he comes back in and says, "Barkeep, drinks for everyone. But none for you. you get nasty when you're drunk."

Guy walks into a bar in NY, already completely wasted, and sits down next to another guy at the bar. He order a couple scotches and starts rambling on at the fellow he sat down next to, going on and on about how there's a spot on the Empire State Building where you can jump off and the air pressure from the wind coming through the surrounding buildings will lower you gently down to earth. Obviously the sober fellow doesn't believe his drunk ramblings, but the drunk guy's willing to put his story on the line, "Come on up and I'll show you!," he slurs.

So, they ascend the tower and the guy walks out to place on the observation deck, checked the floor tiles thoroughly and shows the sober guy exactly where you need to stand. "Right here he says," and throws himself over the guard railing. The sober guy tries to stop him but isn't quick enough, he looks over, sure to see the drunken fool falling to his death, but to his amazingment, the fellow falls gently to earth, like a feather.

Amazed, the sober fellow checks the floor tiles to make sure he's standing in the same place as the first guy and throws himself over the railing, falling to a gruesome death below.

A few minutes later the drunk fellow wanders back into the bar laughing. The bartender looks up, shaking his head, "Damn, you're an ass when you're drunk, Superman."

A preist, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this? A joke?"

A man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep for 4 drinks. Barkeep says to him, "Why?" Guy replies, "One for me and one each for my friends who moved away. Drinking them is how I honor our friendship." "alright," The barkeep says, touched. He pours him three drinks and the guy drinks them all..
They do the same thing every couple of days for around 6 months. Then, one day, the guy only asks for two. The Barkeep turns to him and says, "Is everything okay? Did somebody die?" Guy turns to him, says "Nope. I just quit drinking." and proceeds to down the other two.

Rauthiss Wrote:A preist, a nun, and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this? A joke?"

A man walks into a bar and asks the barkeep for 4 drinks. Barkeep says to him, "Why?" Guy replies, "One for me and one each for my friends who moved away. Drinking them is how I honor our friendship." "alright," The barkeep says, touched. He pours him three drinks and the guy drinks them all..
They do the same thing every couple of days for around 6 months. Then, one day, the guy only asks for two. The Barkeep turns to him and says, "Is everything okay? Did somebody die?" Guy turns to him, says "Nope. I just quit drinking." and proceeds to down the other two.

He must have been afraid that he was becoming an alcoholic. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

<!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: --> These are priceless!! xD I didn't get the "But I'm a fungi" one... is it just over mushrooms being fungi or is there a "hidden" meaning I'm somehow not getting?

fungi = fungus
fungus = mushroom
fungi sounds like "fun guy"