A Re-Intro Due to New Insanities
Its been awhile since I posted (though I have been in and out lurking for a while) and a lot has happened and things have changed in how I see myself and my identity since then. So I thought I should do a reintroduction rather than randomly start asking questions and talking again out of the blue. So…
Hello. I call myself Earth Listener. I am a 21 year old biologically female but whose gender identity is gender-fluid (something I’m still coming to grips with) from Arkansas in the Untied States. I am also a therian with a gray wolf and a non-scientifically verified species of shark I call a quilled shark as theriotypes/kintypes. One thing I am questioning over if I am a multiple or median as well. I’m a big history buff, particularly prehistory to anything around the 1500s. I’m also a bookworm by nature and obsession, and so love to read and collect books.
I have always had an odd connection or something like that with those animals as far back as when I found out what a wolf or a shark was, or at least as far back as I can remember of knowing what they are. When I was little I always felt like I was a wolf in some way on the inside. Back then I thought it was natural to strongly personify, represent your nature, and attribute yourself to an animal or such of some sort. It only confused me that no one seemed to do or felt the same.
When I was fifteen years old, I began experiencing shifts and ‘awakened’ in more ways than one, consciously to my wolf nature. For a long while I didn’t know what I was and I would often go back and forth form thinking I was either some weird werewolf that was only one spiritually and couldn’t actually physically transform, or that I was just insane. I was very confused and jarred, and all I had was myself to rely on to figure it out for myself. Then in the spring of 2006, I stumbled upon the term therianthropy and not long afterward otherkin on the internet. I was highly skeptical at first, but I kept feeling a complete since of déjà vu. The rest is a bit of history.
However, near the end of summer of 2009, I fessed up consciously to something I had been in near denial for almost a year or more. The fact that I had been experiencing strange phantom quill-like spines on my back almost constantly for a long time. Of course, once I turned around and stated taking notice a whole new can of worms was ripped open and a host of all sorts of things - dreams, other phantom sensations (gills namely), mental shifts, you name it -began to happen rapidly. In the end I found myself with the realization that I has a second kintype - a strange slender shark with various sets of quill-like spines instead of fins along its body which I often simply call a quilled shark for easy reference because I‘ve never found anything like it in the known fossil record.
At the moment one thing I am questioning over is if I am a multiple or simply a median or not. Its something I’ve kind of been having a lot of doubt over for roughly three years to one extent or another but more so as of the past half year. I am aware of one but there possibly might be more that are running around in my -our?- mind. Namely there is Kardegrey or simply Kar. He isn’t human but I don’t rightly know anything that looks like how he appears, he don’t care to place a name to what he is though so I tend to call what he is a gestalt chimera because of his looks. He showed up in my head out of nowhere some four years ago and has been around ever since. I’m in control of this body almost completely if not fully most of the time, and Kar (and possibly one or two more, not so sure there) are more or less just commentators in my everyday life rather than drivers. However, at times, things can get kind of fuzzy and things I say, do, and/or feel come out that are not from “me.” If I may use a metaphor, its like I’m always in the driver’s seat with my hands at least loosely on the wheel but at times someone hops from the backseats to the in passenger’s seat (namely Kar) and will take a grip on the wheel as well for a while. I’m not fully sure were I, (I would say we but again, Kar doesn’t care one way or another) stand on this yet. This big confusion is one of the main reasons I decided to de-lurk my account.
Again, nice to meet everyone again (and nice to meet you for anyone is new). Feel free to ask any questions you like (I actually love answering questions!) and I will try my best to answer them.