I don’t know a ‘whole lot’ about myself. I’m coming into ‘new’ memories of this, though I have always seen myself this way… I didn’t always know what to think of it exactly. I just thought myself strange and monstrous and stayed away from people as much as possible. I still think myself strange and monstrous in comparison to other humans, but I’m in a better understanding as to why.
How do I describe me… um, well… Hellhound is the only way I can figure. Hellhound is really just my word for it. I don’t really know the name. I don’t think we really had one because words, though we could speak them, weren’t something we cared about. I’m sure though there is something we were called…
I happen to be a wolf therian too, but hellhound is a form way before I took refuge in the paws and fur of the wolfkin. Wolves are family, I have reestablished my soul in them, but they are no less only a newer form that I’ve become very partial to. I’m still tainted by something else from long ago, and quite frankly I find I’m fine being tainted.
Hellhound was long before they (wolves) existed, that is all I can understand of that. I don't have a time frame. It was the first form, as far as I can tell, that my spirit took to, and I wasn't the only one of them.
We were once thousands, but no more than that since we were such a vicious race and killed each other just as easily as others. We didn't thrive like humans do, into the billions. I beleive there might have been some measures taken to make sure we stayed at a managable number.
We were of demonic origins, if not demons ourselves. We were worshipers (for lack of a better word) to rage and bloodshed. We were battle-forged creatures, and bathed in blood out of joy of it and to sate our endless bent toward rending things apart.
I know we’ve died out, at least that version of us, for the most part. We were considered a servant race to the 'higher powers', which were simply those who happened to be anyone that could kill us with ease, and could offer something we liked to do.
Basically, we were just pawns, front line battle monsters. Made to kill, and we didn’t care what we killed really. Battle was exhilarating and moving to us not so unlike that excitement for people when they are about to be parents for the first time. It made our hearts sing with pleasure, our spirits soar with elation, and we were ever anxious for it.
We saw the bloodshed (if that's a word for it, I'm not even sure some of things we fought and killed had blood ) and death as a certain kind of beautiful, the rage as our common mother.
That is all I can tell you of us, all I remember of what I call ‘hellhounds’ other than perhaps what we looked like… we were two legged mostly; long-limbed goliaths with armored skin, spikes and quills grown from our bodies. We had canine-ish heads and sported fangs. None of us really looked the same, little details were different, and yet we were all the same.
So I hope that put me in perspective a little better.
As a human now, I am looking for answers, perhaps even others of my kind, but I’m very relaxed about it. The way I feel is that answers and others will come when they come, and hell I’ve been around all this time I know the drill. I’ll just die and have to go through all this again during my next life, only to die again and so on, and so on. This life is just apart of my on going changing process. Just a work in progress if you will.
I wish to use this site as a place for a certain kind of respite, a chance to get some things out, and finding common ground with others that are different and remembering like I am. Other Otherkin, because it is so lonely being strange, and you can’t tell me a hellhound stuck in a human body isn’t strange.
I still feel and lust for some things like I did back then… no matter how unacceptable in human society. I have phantom limbs at times, and can go into shifts of sorts.
Really in my life I’m a lucky creature to have met a couple some-ones who understand to some degree, some more than others, and are very accepting of such a monster.
Here on this site maybe I can do some general good, as a member of an online community. We will see won’t we?
Okay, I’ll shut up now.